The Woods.

Tearing through dark woods a thought crosses my mind...
Am i running too fast?
not listening to the sounds of the night?

as the pearly light shines through the dark spade shaped leaves,
it all seems a blur,
bt it is not...

The beauty was still an illusion,
chosen darkness just hid what was already there.

But was it really hidden or did i just choose being blinded to facing it?
Fear overruling logic?

confrontation just caused me to become aware of the fact...
than delusion ever did.

When It all Boils Down to a Single Question.

It’s really incredibly funny how the world works. You think (or maybe realise) that it’s all perfect and gung-ho, when a thought begins to consume you, eat onto you till you have no choice but to confront it. And usually, you as a person lose that confrontation. Nothing good ever comes out of such a confrontation.

Basically speaking, we are singles. Everyman for himself. That`s how we survive in cutthroat competition, something that evolved with us so that we always exceed expectations, break through the glass ceiling. But yet, we also have evolved to create lifelong partnerships, sort of like a backup system where we can derive and give support and strength. The problems arise when the backup system fails when the main system is functioning properly, defeating the entire purpose of such a system. The backup system usually fails because of one or more from an entire list of reasons, from not devoting time to its care to finding another (farce) backup system, which we are led to believe that it is better than the original.

The question that races through the mind right now is how does the failing of the backup system affect you and those dependent on you? Can you fight it? And can you do something about it?

Maybe you can, but then something that comes up becomes a compromise, and truth be told, while some may be willing to settle with a compromise, most aren’t. A compromise is exactly what it is, not the best, a creaky rusty piece of social construct, which does more harm than good. What do you do in such a situation? Seek out better worlds or try your best and secure the world you are already living, which may but be an illusion.


Looking at both separately, we may need to set up a balance, but when others are considered, people with their own opinions, choices and perceptions, the problem becomes magnanimous. Huge enough to give up on the thought and think “will face it when it happens” ... but then, if we leave everything for the future, what will we do in the present? If you leave it for the future, you will most probably end up making a mess of the entire thing at that time.

The most common response to the backup system failing is shrugging and finding some really consuming task that takes your mind off things, which is the middle ground, again a compromise.

But If you must choose, what will you choose?

(*Ref- Backup system – Home, Hearth and Family.)

Patterns in White Noise.

Patterns appear throughout... Interpreting them is one thing, succumbing to them is another. Retards may think, that this is lame, but signs are all around us. Once a while even the staid like to fall and think like lunatics.
Here is one of me writing when almost feverish with delusionary thoughts which have a funny way of always spiraling out into the void of the nonsensical.

*Written on a scrap piece of paper about the medium of existence, and how it showed me illusions of my world, in peace. Silence can indeed be scary.

It is showing me visions of calm in between all the turmoil. But I am scared. Scared of the fact that the last time I gave in, I was definitely screwed. But then, a voice in me says that the overall outcome wasn’t that bad, you did learn a lot and in a way enjoyed it too.

I argue with the voice, saying that the last time, is a time that I don’t want to go through again. I am willing to experience something similar but in a different way, I say that I understand about the cycle and that one cannot experience happiness all his life, he should be willing to go through the rest of the set too, and I am. I am willing, but not again in the same sense. For someone willingly rooted in logic, I am behaving erratically, surprising even myself. Maybe... I wanted all that I didn’t get, when I was getting all that I wanted some time ago.

But all I do know is, for the future to be bright, and to be not answerable to anyone but the extremely loved ones and for that, I need to make a couple of hard choices, staying rooted in realism, to free up a major chunk of BPT. Maybe I need time to think, or not think, to make a decision to go with experience or with the prospect of learning new things, to stay inquisitive or to appear staid and uninterested.

Am I being expected to strike a balance again?

Or is there something wrong with my psyche?

Maybe the problem is inherent or maybe contrived... there a lot of answers unknown, and a feeling that maybe a mistake was committed... or maybe not...

One last question, before I cut myself off – “Who has all the answers?”

Another whispering melody, carrying along, a question...

Ironic ... isint it, to leave a decision to the universe? its kind of like, throwing away a chance... a chance that if u had chosen not to throw to the universe, u might have actually gotten/achieved through control. But now that you have thrown it away, u will never know, what the other outcome might have been.

What is the best thing to do in such a situation? Do what your heart tells you to. Why? because you did not follow what your mind told you till now, it makes no sense to follow it some more. Maybe i think i`l throw another decision for the universe to choose...

Is what i am doing, wise?

A Fallacy and how Chaos won against Order.

Thinking too much in my case involves too many hypothetical situations. And that is the biggest fallacy of the entire thing. Being what I am, the biggest situation where I failed was while analysing myself. I mean, thoughts and people evolve, hence people themselves are variables, even to themselves. So who am I to define myself as something? I am always to think my way to betterness. How could I have been so hard up and inflexible before?

(Thinking on the same lines leads one to conclude that the number of constants in this universe tends to zero, but that discussion is for another day.)

What I realised yesterday was that my theory of order and chaos, wherein one needs to effectively balance order and chaos to live a happy life, was proven wrong.

The theory goes as such – the world is chaotic and to fight back you need to have an ordered setup. By ordered setup I am referring to aims, goals, schedule (or something to do) and everything which involves not succumbing to the situation and allowing the world to spiral out of control. It also involves (theoretically) not having fun when faced with tasks, not allowing external variables to force one to lose productive time, etc. And chaos on other hand is not worrying about what to do and not to do. In short, ‘handling’ what the world throws at you. Chaos doesn’t seem to be bad in writing, but if one lives a chaotic life without knowing the consequences or how to handle the world/situation, the consequences would be depravity and misery. Trust me, have seen it happen and even could say, experienced it.

So coming back, the order chaos balance theory was proven wrong because yesterday I realised that patterns and in a way order exists even in chaos. It is very wonderfully hidden among layers of what one thinks is randomness, but randomness it is not. They are what one must do, in this world to enjoy the fruits of labour. Now, ask yourself, would you enjoy a success without realising and knowing all that you fought to achieve it?

Order, removes everything that you fight or need to fight in chaos. Reaching the success in order is easy (in its own way) but not actually enjoyable. Who knows what all you might lose, supporting order and removing variables? The stuff you may lose can be anything from memories, simple pleasures to new friends, love, people, places and situations you would have overlooked because you were too absorbed in order-ifying your life.

Now comes to mind the delicate matter of insurance against pain. Continuing on the same chain of thought, pain is again a chaotic phenomenon. It is good yet bad but can badly take away time and if not careful, everything else too. But yet, pain, is actually a rite of passage. You have to experience pain to enjoy what you will get. Because when you do get whatever it is, you will know it’s real worth, as you know what you went through when you didn’t have it or didn’t get it. So then, insurance against pain really doesn’t make sense, does it?

So then, chaos wins against order. I am fully into it now. Order be damned, I am fully into chaos now, with nothing but my principles to prop me up, and I fully trust them. They haven’t failed me till now, and will not too, in the future. Besides, careful observation shows you that those fully into order are usually self absorbed snobs who really don’t appreciate anything that becomes theirs. So even balancing order and chaos doesn’t make sense now does it?

Food for thought!
(Obviously for you, dear reader... I already have thought it out)


p.s- Learn from me how to make stuff boring ;) ... but then... transforming tumultuous emotions into simple words in English was never easy. I cant be blamed for not trying!!

Whence What You Read Is What You Observe, Within Self.

...
Then said Almitra, Speak to us of Love.

And he raised his head and looked upon his people, and there fell a stillness upon them. And with a great voice he said:
When love beckons to you, follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you yield to him.,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
And when he speaks to you believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste his garden.

For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.
Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,
So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.
Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself.
He threshes you to make you naked.
He sifts you to free your from your husks.
He grinds you to whiteness.
He kneads you until you are pliant.
And then he assigns you to his sacred fire, that you may become sacred bread for God`s sacred feast.

All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your hear, and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life`s heart.

But if in your fear you would seek only love`s peace and love`s pleasure,
Then its better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love`s threshing-floor,
Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not of all your tears.

Love gives us naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.
Love possesses not nor would be possessed;
For love is sufficient unto love.

When you love you should not say, "God is in my heart", but rather, "I am in the heart of God."
And think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.

Love has no other desire but to fulfill itself.
But if you love and must need have desires, let these be your desires:
To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.
To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
And to bleed willingly and joyfully.
To wake at dawn and with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;
To rest at the noon hour and meditate love`s ecstasy;
To return home at eventide with gratitude;
And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.

...

Escapism

I have a dream, and that dream is to travel. Travel far and wide, enjoying the endless wealth that this planet bestows upon us in terms of sensory appeasement. 

One day I would do it all. Travel on an impulse, and on purpose ignore the “quickest and safest” method (air travel)… because it completely cuts out the simple joys of impulsive travel. The destination is hardly important compared to the joys of experiencing the journey…

Imagine waking up in the middle of the night in a gently shaking train, going to the door and standing in the cold night air and trying to associate yourself with the darkness that is so hard to come by in a city existence… All these tiny experiences are lost on air travel… As quoted by a popular newsprint, “The best flights are the ones where you forget all about them as soon as you hit the tarmac.” … That is in no way fun.

Impulsive travel… What all comes to my mind? Hitchhike, sleeping bags, tents, meeting new people, photography, the sense of being away from it all…

I seriously don't see the point of today’s blog… My mind is on an overdrive of thoughts and experiences missed and experiences yet to be experienced, all because I overdosed on systematic boredom caused by banal education. Its getting tough to attain coherency… but I hope that you have got my point… I want to travel on an impulse and feel the detachment (from reality) that comes from such an endeavour. I want to experience the joys of (for example) looking at endless fields of blazing heather, swaying with the breeze in the afternoon sun, of listening to the gurgling happy laughter of small hillside streams, flowing on, of standing in the cool night air in a tiny village in a hill and looking up to the starry sky above, of eating ice cream sitting in the warm sand near an azure ocean, of getting surprised by a sudden icy downpour  when stranded in the middle of nowhere and yet enjoying it, without a tiny flutter in my soul, of photographing the people and places of places unknown… The world is just awesome…  Escapism is unbelievably appealing right now…

Why do we imagine so much? … oh, leave it now, that is another post for another day… :) 

A Coconut Refresher....

For some reason, I love coconut trees... its probably because I am a southie... Our entire lives are entwined with this awesome tree... Its highly dominant in our cuisine, rituals and lives... I even love its smell... This post is something akin to a tribute! :D ...

Note: Since I clicked all these images myself, they are ©opyrighted :P ... so ... don't even think about it!

A Million Vistas...

I haven't been posting anything recently because i was too busy with the banal activities of everyday life. I got back to musing thanks to a friend of mine, who pulled out that part out of me... Thanks AS.

Right now, my mind is full of a million vistas, each more prettier, more intricate than the last... It just goes on to show how important it is to have some time off in your day, for yourself... We have been flooding our respective lives with too much things to do or too much things to whine about (of course I am talking about myself, why would i talk about you?) ... Trust me, the next time I go jogging, I am leaving my music library back home... :)

Ah yes, the vistas... they are all incredible, and astonishingly all of them depict the night and its mysteriousness and the way the little lights plays with the darkness... Maybe all these vistas have their root in real life... Maybe i have seen these lights dance somewhere, and my mind chose to interpret, modify, beautify and betterfy (^infinity) these visual treats and present them to my minds eye, so that I am happy... All this leads me to wonder... Why isint even a single vista in daylight? hmm...
Probably daylight is already too beautiful and my mind doesn't need to beautify it more? or is it that I love having my 'me' time at night? Whatever it is... these vistas are incredibly beautiful and I shall always enjoy them, whatever form they take and whatever message they deliver...



i shot at high ISO to deceive the looker into believing that this may be a photograph of the sun... :) Nothing is wrong with trying, right?

A Familiar Stranger...

Today, I spied intellect hidden in a very deceiving place. It was a sikh taxi driver who drove me from my home to the airport. In the beginning, acting totally unlike myself, I thought that he would bore me to death with his musings (what do you expect? it was really early in the morning and i was still hungover!)... but he was, a newage philosopher who had plenty to talk about and was just as equally open to debate. Its hard to come by such intellect and open mindedness nowadays...

Of all the things we talked about, the most appealing was what he told me about clearing my head, making it completely devoid of thoughts and thinking of God, thanking him for everything that he has given me... I used to do that a long time before and that time used to be one of the most happiest times I ever had in my life. When he spoke of the importance of this, No kidding, I actually felt like it was God himself, who was giving me the advice... I feel reborn. This is where my contentment was hidden...

I know that this post is less of " a Psychotic Musing", but its a precursor to even better posts, because content people are even better thinkers than plain people! ;)

An ignored fact...

Most of the time, we humans, too absorbed in our duties, jobs and temptations, forget to satiate our souls. We ask it to simply shut up and allow us to focus on running faster (if not just running), in the rat race. What we dont realise is that its our souls which provide us with the motivation to run faster...

When we were kids, we would respond mostly to our souls urges... we would say, or rather feel, "Let logic be dammned", and run off to play, jump, ride, climb or just enjoy. Thats why you see that most of the kids are happy and most of the adults, solemn. The few adults who do only what they absolutely love doing, are happy and "content". I have heard the story of an old man from my dad, who, despite having enough riches to love comfortably in a magnificient house till he passed away, drove a tourist taxi, simply because he loved to drive around. He was one content man.

Why do we let logic and fear drive us? Why are we almost always scared of "the consequences"? Why must we be scared of the face with twelve dots and two hands?


Agreed that we must work to take care of ourselves and those around ourselves... it thus becomes necessary to strike a balance...

We must once in a while, indulge ourselves... and go and do things that our souls beg us for... Try camping next to a river under a full moon...

adios.