Knowledge from the aeons. Part one of many.

 

Any time that I feel like there is something to be noted about me capturing the knowledge of my time on this planet, I will do so under this title. 

This one today comes courtesy of my knowledge, execution and understanding that the limit that one feels is self imposed.

Let me elaborate. 

If a person feels that they can only get so much done in a day, that limit is self imposed and almost for surely falsely imposed by their consciousness. 

Why do I say this?

Think about it rationally. There are multiple ways of looking at this scenario. Lets start by a biological interpretation.

The human body is impossibly convoluted, but among its best attributes is its ability to grow. 

If you go to the gym and progressively lift heavier weights, your body will grow and make it possible and eventually easier. If you run marathons, you can both improve your time (if your fix the distance) or the distance (if you fix the time), or you can improve both, if you need to, and so on.

If you like playing chess, and do so regularly, choosing to leveling up, you have the option for improving your mind (for this is an innately mental, not physical activity), provided you invest enough time and energy into the activity, you can level up to the point of potentially achieving impossible status, be it grandmaster or what not. The only constraint here is you, yourself.

Note here that I am taking other humans out of the equation. 

This is you, versus yourself.

No matter what the challenge, you can overcome it, because the only true enemy to you not overcoming the challenge is you. The attribute that changes? time.

Given enough time to learn, develop, grow, every single human in this planet is capable of greatness. Provided they believe in their ability to overcome any and all challenges.

Just to ensure I take another way of looking at this problem, lets look at it as an optimization problem (considering my engineering background) - 

You have x days to solve activity y. You possess reasonable skills to complete activity y, but more knowledge is required to complete the activity, and you know where to start.

At this point, do you question yourself, finding excuses for why activity y cant be done...

Or do you get started on the task, giving it your best?

If you choose the latter, you have plenty ways of optimizing the problem -

You can choose to optimize the learning first, claiming that the learning will stay for a lifetime, and help in other endeavors, you can choose to delegate the learning, or you can choose to outsource the whole activity entirely. Or a plethora of better options better conceived than my currently drunk mind.

My whole point is if you had chosen to go the 'find an excuse route', you would have lost before you had even started.

So kindly stop being an idiot, give it your best.

And stop complaining.

Cheers.

KP

Things that must be noted.

 I started this blog a long time ago, pretty much when I was a teenager, and named it after an euphemism about how thoughts can be as fleeting as mirages in the moonlight. If you think about it mirages cant exist in the moonlight, and if they do, they are possibly infinitely rare. 

This was to be a place where I pen down my most random thoughts and hope feverently that nobody reads it. If it barely enough makes sense to me, how can I expect it to make sense to someone else.

That being said, life, being life, must move on. Challenges, if they arise, must be solved, experiences, if one is lucky enough to have them, must be experienced. And that is okay. Its just what life is.

I came online here today to note something interesting. Its been in excess of 10 years since I wrote in this blogpage. I resolve today to continue writing here, if nothing, for myself, as a form of catharsis. This is if nothing, a way to endure the world and its inexplicable twine.

Since the last time I posted here, plenty has happened, lots and lots of good and some extreme bad. There are going to be plenty more opportunities to talk about the good, but today, for the sake of posterity, I want to note about the bad.

About 6 years ago, in the beginning of 2014, I was chronically, irrevocably, depressed. Depressed to the point where I didnt see the point of getting out of bed. Robert Sapolsky in his seminal lecture on depression (Link here) notes, very interestingly that a professional dealing with an individual who is depressed to this extent doesnt need to worry about solving it quickly because the said individual 'doesnt even have the energy to get out of bed, let alone kill themselves'. While relevant to a professional practicing psychology, it does cut deep to someone who has recovered from it. That is the state I was in.

I have since then crawled my way back from those horrible depths of pure unadulterated darkness and I do see the light now. I try my level best to stay in the light now, finding meaning within my life, enjoying moments that are relevant and seeking the reason for my existence in this world. The gift of sentience can be both a gift and a curse depending upon how you look at it, and I choose to look at it as a gift, giving it meaning for my time on this earth.

That being said I am all too painfully aware of the things I keep locked up within me, my experiences and my learnings, I do strive to keep moving forward, I lost someone I looked up to to the same kind of affliction. While I was working with the guy, I had no idea he was in the same boat as me, and that he moved so quickly in life was because he was running just the same as me, if faster, from his own demons. Its been 10 months since this person has left this planet, but even today I think about him and the time I learnt from him.

A quote from another great soul lost to the same affliction comes to mind - 

And this fact is inherently true. While I can claim holistically, genuinely to have recovered from depression, I cannot claim that I live my daily life unafraid. Unafraid of it returning. I spend every waking moment in a series of steps that are designed to outwit that guy. The day he catches up with me is the day I will go along the same path as Neil (my old manager I spoke about previously), Anthony Bourdain, Robin Williams and David Foster Wallace. 

Fortunately for me, I am not a quitter. I will persevere, I will win.

Nobody can appreciate the content of these gentelemen as much as me. Robin Williams spent every waking moment making the lives of folks have a little bit more cheer. Every story about him involves making others feel better about their lives. Bourdain taught us about the beauty of travelling, seeing this beautiful world that you live in. David Foster Wallace showed us that the beauty of existence lies in being cognizant of how well you are absorbing the world around you and how you are letting it affect you (link here) and my old manager taught me that acquisition of new knowledge was the biggest catharsis that one could achieve.

I choose to learn from these great men, I choose to continue my time on this world and I choose to do it not just for me but to also provide for my daughter, who came into this world on Oct 3, 2020.

And if push comes to shove, I will kill that guy, the one who Bourdain speaks about in the image above, instead of myself. I shall prevail and thats a vow to this world.

I`ll make another vow, that I will continue writing here, as long as the Google Gods decide to keep this website up. At that time, I`ll find a way to move to another platform.

Till the next one, 
From 2021,

Cheers,

KP

Night and Day

The night may be dark and have a lot of secrets, 

The unknown at every turn and silence in all the shadows...

While the world sleeps, I walk, savoring it's uniqueness and its peace, 

Forgetting the clocks trudge ahead, as I roam the streets...

Melancholy soon sets in, setting the mood for the night, 

I know that this is all but a part of life,

For the sun is not far away, to bathe all in her harsh light, showing the world to a brand new eye...

As night turns to day, the sounds return, 

The world awakens, forgetting it's zen,

The birds chirp and the people run, seeking to find purpose, before their time in an urn.

I walk again, savoring it's uniqueness and chaos, its bright colors and moving pieces,

Life running ahead of itself, before hitting a wall.

But I will yearn for dusk again, just as much as I yearn for the dawn to arise..

For one can't exist without another, 

It is what makes this world allright. 

Profound Illegibility at 330 AM on a Warm Mumbai Night.

Its 330 am in the morning and am in Mumbai and am trying my level best to get my data and my mind straight for a highly delayed “mock” project review due tomorrow, finalizing one of the key stepping stones to get that little pink sheet of paper which confirms that i have spent four years of my life trying to fortify my future with a bachelors degree (which i hope will be eventually convert to a masters and so on).

Though not digressing, this is the time when the world truly goes silent and all you hear is your own mind feebly trying to say “dude, wtf happened to your circadian clock and all that was normal whence you were having fun” and the whir of ceiling fans (yes, in plural). Time for profoundness it is.

Realizations, no rather, beliefs that I have truly wasted 4 years of my life by choosing a college (yes, to all you cynics who are studying with me, it was my choice) located in a rural area and hence throwing away all the amenities, exposures and opportunities that come with an urban living, and hence being a little handicapped in utilizing the said time to the absolute fullest, come swiftly and in an increasing crescendo.

Yet, rather than giving in to the said thoughts, like i had been doing all these days, agreeing without any qualms in sheer physical tiredness, (these thoughts come only in those times when i was mind blowingly tired from consistent travel ... another choice i had, in part made for self) my mind rebels, claiming that to be not true... See, yes, i have missed out on vocations and hobbies and other supplementary bits of random yet useful learning that i now realise that i should own by now, i still have learnt a heck lot of stuffs in these four years, including (among others) how to handle people, how to adjust, how to be truly neutral and among many other stuffs, how to truly NOT do anything (yet, not be bored) for prolonged periods of time...
Sacrifices were made, choices were accepted, boredom/jadedness/burnouts were kept at bay way more easily than i had previously (before these 4 years) thought possible, aren’t these considered learnings?

“Basically, Yes, learning happened, just that it was that different kind, which you thought was not required or ‘whatever’ ... Make peace that you got to enjoy it this kind, whatever be, you are not getting these 4 years back, and be happy that you got what you got and trust me, it will help, way more than those stuffs that you think you didn’t get by choosing what you chose”...
(Here is where i make a conscious effort not to get into the argumentative thought processes about destiny/fate etc, though yes, they exist as i have witnessed mine in action. One word for y`all – Love).

End thing, an age/period of existence/etc has passed and however much the pessimist in me whines (just for the heck of it) that it was absolutely useless... It was not, and i am happy witnessing it while it ends and with the realization(s) that the pessimist in me was and is absolutely wrong.

Made great friends even... were always there, were they not? ;) ... Even gratuitous for that, for knowing how many layers there are to people, and how nice and fun they can be.

Will definitely miss these mental, absolutely deranged, weird and absolutely fun nutcases... Saif, Samel, Rohan, Sirsikar, Chetan, Chandra, Sanket, Manaswi, Ameya, Adesh, Ritu, Shalaka, Radhika (especially exam times ;) with this one), Rutul, Sandeep,Prasanna and Mahadev, Vivek P, Anoop, Derrik , Sharad, Kashyap, Ashwin, Indro, Baria, Sujit and Manoj, Adi Sengar, Paaras, Tejas, Jinesh, Vardhaman, Gunjan, and everyone else i`d the pleasure of knowing. Cant type the names quick enough to match with the images and memories rushing in my head. Will miss everybody though.

(Thoughts are weird, are they not? While they appear to be connected, they are actually extremely disjointed, making sense only to their creator).

That Era has ended; it’s time for new horizons and new stuffs to work on...
What is the first thing I’ll do? Get serious. With the end of these four years, that extended time when i was allowed to be a kid has ended, now is the time when i personally choose to get into the grind, grit my teeth and grind on. If i be a kid anymore, it’ll just be a joke. My plans are set (well, another positive outcome of continuous travel, rural living, etc of the past 4yrs) and i intend to follow them, and make sure that they come true, that they are executed to the last letter. This is the first test, for self... to see how hard i can push the extended empires of my mind and self. It is time to prove that my dreams aren’t just for dreaming. The only thing that i can hope for is that the people who care/are dependent on me stop hyperventilating, overreacting and overprotecting and know that i am the one in control of my world and its a position that i am not willing to give up at all...

Adios, Amigos and Amigas....

No, I’d love to sit here and ramble some more about slightly disjointed stuffs, but i realised that its time to get back to my burgeoning project. This piece i`ve written is not edited, am publishing it just as it was written, “a set of thoughts and emotions and an attempt to convert them into something legible”.

The Ocean

A deep Orangey-Red, hanging in the distance,
Masking what might have been the Horizon...

Inky blues above you, disturbed by Twinkling bits
of Peaceful White...

Soft grainy texture, warm beneath your naked,
gloriously happy feet...

A Roar, Surprisingly gentle to the Ears,
Spoken by an Ancient Gentle Giant, Speaking of,

Time that has passed and will pass, in a Language,
that you would Love to Know, but Actually Don`t...

Sweetly Salty, the Smell of the Singing Wind,
Reminding you of all thats good in this Realm,
and Consoling you about all thats not...

Cool, in a way thats always appreciable,
Deliciously Soothing,
Colored in the Hues of the Sky over the Invisible Horizon...

Wetness, like the Happy Tears of a Loved One,
whence Loved by You...

Beauty, like that written in Odes,
by Bards with long beards and wise eyes...

The Ocean, and the beach where it decides,
to show its Love for You.

A Prose on Five

Five Verses of Truth,

Five Senses of The Human Realm,

All of the Five Flowing Like a River Undaunted...

Taming Gaia and Reflecting The Moods of Helios,

Flowing with the Will and Command of The Heart.

Setting The Senses of Two,
With Heart and Love,
Footloose

The Only Time Time Took A Back Seat.

You say you are waiting for something.



And I say to you,
"Yes, yes. We all wait".



What are you waiting for?, you ask me,
You. I wait for you.